Every night, I pray for a husband. I’m beyond reluctant to start a blog with those words. Reluctant because this instantly categorizes me as someone I’ve never wanted to be—someone who, like, actually wants to be married. And now, I’m going public with it. #shamed I’m also reluctant to write because, oh my gosh world, enough with the “Beautiful Perspective on Singleness and Womanhood” posts and articles. I get that you want to share your wisdom with us and be vulnerable, but what do you have to say that I haven’t already heard?
What do I have to say that you haven’t already heard?
Every tip has grown repetitive, every verse, cliché, and every woman, left longing. All this talk of singleness has permeated our/my life and made me/us forget what defines me/us. We’re being worn out by marriage before we even go on a first date. So what do I have to say about being single? Nothing.
Stop being single and start being women.
Women shouldn’t find their identity in their relationship status according to Facebook. We shouldn’t let culture convince us so easily that we deserve love when God’s Word tells us we deserve death; nor should we believe the best is yet to come in this life when we know God is as good today as he is ever going to be. God is not withholding. He is simply (and confusingly) good.
I’ve been asked if I’m afraid I won’t get married as long as I live in Laos.
Eligible bachelors in Laos are like an endangered species that can’t thrive in extreme weather conditions—but darnett if we don’t try to make it more habitable. So yes, I’ve worried about the how and the when and the where, and that is why this text is an open letter to myself. But what I fear more than a life of being awesome at Solitaire is a life lived safely in the arms of someone who was not meant to save me. That privilege and burden belongs to Christ alone. He was meant to bear it; we were meant to offer it to him.
No respectable woman is looking for a man to rescue her and jumpstart her life. No man worthy of that woman is looking for a damsel in distress. Every relationship I admire is made up of people who are honored to labor alongside one another because they’ve witnessed each other’s gifts in action. May we be worthy of the man of our dreams, even while he is still just a dream.
My nightly prayer doesn’t end with “Aaaaaand I want a husband. Amen” It is filled with utterances that desire to understand what I’ve just said. I long to be brave, rooted, gentle, loving, and balanced. I long to practice being a Godly woman, and trust that will carry over into being a Godly wife. I pray, even now, that I might make sacrifices for the Kingdom, but that I would never sacrifice the life God would call me to in order to preserve the mere hope of wedded bliss.
Dear women, dear Emily of the future, be women of God. Wait for no man, but wait on the Lord. Follow his call, to law school, med school, to crap paying jobs with awesome missions, to the ends of the earth, and maybe, just maybe, into covenant with someone who wants to go there with you.